My love affair with fast food ends today

So, I stepped on the scary scale today and, lets just say I wasn't happy with the numbers staring back at me. This really has to stop. I keep doing this yo yo diet bullshit, where I'll stick to some good eating habits for about three or four days and then in a moment of weakness me and Chris will go get McDonalds at 3am and then I'm all fucked up again.

I think, no, I KNOW that the reason I keep eating unhealthy things is because I'm depressed. I'm not happy with my life and so I eat shitty foods to make myself feel good. I choose meals based on how good they will taste rather than what they are doing to my body. This has to stop.

I don't know how I'm gonna do it though. I feel like I give myself this pep talk nearly every week, and then every weekend rolls around and neither Chris or I feel like cooking so we end up ordering take out or going somewhere to eat. I feel like another part of it is that I can't afford to buy food. Sad but true. Part of the reason we avoid making shopping trips is because I don't have enough green to drop $100 on groceries.

Also I hate working out. I really really really really hate it. I really only end up having the motivation to go twice a week, IF that. This past week I didn't go at all. I only feel like going if Chris goes with me, but most days he's too tired to go after work and on our days off we usually find some excuse not to go.

Something has got to give, but I don't know what that is. I need motivation, but I have none. My life sucks right now, I have no friends here, I have no life, I have no job. The only thing I have is this house and my bed and thats what I've grown to cling to. I guess I just want a quick fix and I'm not going to get it. I swear food is more addicting than anything else. I don't think it was even this hard to quit smoking for Christ's sake.

Oh well, yet another holiday I sit alone and wonder what it'd be like if I had somewhere to go or someone to hang out with. How great would that be.